...look i understand i am conservative. but i am not inactive, you just don't care.
wisdom listens.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
The humorous innocence
Honestly, there are far less odd goings-ons in peoples lives I would have imagined considering the ratio of people to ideas.
But I do know more is coming, it's as immanent as death itself.
Yesterday someone penetrated an old colonial house in Wisconsin with the Oscar Mayer Wiener.
Who knows maybe tomorrow someone will find a systematic loop the legal system so they can attend their own funeral before they die of a terminal disease or something.
You know what fucking pisses me off more then a fly in a horses ass?
THEY (scientists, government officials and advisers, local and federal authorities, philosophers and unknown agencies) know how to make a fucking happy pill. I have experimented with some crazy medicinal combinations (not exceeding recommended doses) with great results and I have done like 2 lab reports in my life on like why a note card catches on fire when put over a Bunsen burner and that note card was on lab reports, and I know it's out there..
Just fuckin give us the shit man, the jokes fuckin over.
But I do know more is coming, it's as immanent as death itself.
Yesterday someone penetrated an old colonial house in Wisconsin with the Oscar Mayer Wiener.
Who knows maybe tomorrow someone will find a systematic loop the legal system so they can attend their own funeral before they die of a terminal disease or something.
You know what fucking pisses me off more then a fly in a horses ass?
THEY (scientists, government officials and advisers, local and federal authorities, philosophers and unknown agencies) know how to make a fucking happy pill. I have experimented with some crazy medicinal combinations (not exceeding recommended doses) with great results and I have done like 2 lab reports in my life on like why a note card catches on fire when put over a Bunsen burner and that note card was on lab reports, and I know it's out there..
Just fuckin give us the shit man, the jokes fuckin over.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
For the generation to which I precede: Part 1
If I understand it correctly it is my humble duty to show you the way.
First off, if you don't have to leave the womb I suggest you stay in there for as long as you can, but if you are unfortunate enough like the rest of us to survive birth and the cold stinging air as you leave the gates of warm solitude you will be forced to understand a world in which there are no guidelines for comprehension.
Had there been such a figure of guidance upon your arrival he would probably introduce life to you with a quick and satiric utterance, for instance, if my 2 decades of attempted translations are accurate it would be something like
"Welcome, or not welcome to Life! you are here whether you wanted to be or not! you may find here that nothing is what it seems, no one gets what they deserve, strength is weakness, blue is pink, fun is sin, God's a rapist, you missed the millennium party, so just stay away from sharp objects for now and make greed your most principle action and pay no attention to the woman dangling you by your leg as she was abused at your age and blames you for it."
I also imagine him in Israeli military fatigues and an old jester hat.
Beyond everything else you come about in your travels, one particular unseen task comes early and that is your teenage years. I will not go into detail as most of it you will have to experience on your own, which I highly encourage especially man made chemicals.
There is a culminating event to this occurrence in your life and that is to be a 'badass', a term you will learn when you are thrown from a swing set as a victim of bullying, or maybe you're just a polesmoking pusscake.
Now before you look in the mirror and think a rail piercing in the back of your neck or tongue or labia constitutes a step towards being a badass, I want you to remember something called 'Canned Heat'.
Some people worship the devil, or shit on each others chest, but if you remember this band you can skip the days work.
Like a silent warrior, a canary with a coyotes jaw you will besiege your fellow man by example of a small band that utilizes a swinging minor/dominant blues to extract Excalibur.
Being a badass opens many opportunities and spreads many legs, and should stick with you as a trait throughout your life, and shitting on others peoples means to life may, just may, make yours a little easier.
First off, if you don't have to leave the womb I suggest you stay in there for as long as you can, but if you are unfortunate enough like the rest of us to survive birth and the cold stinging air as you leave the gates of warm solitude you will be forced to understand a world in which there are no guidelines for comprehension.
Had there been such a figure of guidance upon your arrival he would probably introduce life to you with a quick and satiric utterance, for instance, if my 2 decades of attempted translations are accurate it would be something like
"Welcome, or not welcome to Life! you are here whether you wanted to be or not! you may find here that nothing is what it seems, no one gets what they deserve, strength is weakness, blue is pink, fun is sin, God's a rapist, you missed the millennium party, so just stay away from sharp objects for now and make greed your most principle action and pay no attention to the woman dangling you by your leg as she was abused at your age and blames you for it."
I also imagine him in Israeli military fatigues and an old jester hat.
Beyond everything else you come about in your travels, one particular unseen task comes early and that is your teenage years. I will not go into detail as most of it you will have to experience on your own, which I highly encourage especially man made chemicals.
There is a culminating event to this occurrence in your life and that is to be a 'badass', a term you will learn when you are thrown from a swing set as a victim of bullying, or maybe you're just a polesmoking pusscake.
Now before you look in the mirror and think a rail piercing in the back of your neck or tongue or labia constitutes a step towards being a badass, I want you to remember something called 'Canned Heat'.
Some people worship the devil, or shit on each others chest, but if you remember this band you can skip the days work.
Like a silent warrior, a canary with a coyotes jaw you will besiege your fellow man by example of a small band that utilizes a swinging minor/dominant blues to extract Excalibur.
Being a badass opens many opportunities and spreads many legs, and should stick with you as a trait throughout your life, and shitting on others peoples means to life may, just may, make yours a little easier.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
If all the animals in the world got together for a party, humans would be the clown.
A creature itself no different in overall context then the others, though it's actions would seem to be in complete mockery of its own ancient functions through the exposure of over regurgitating them to a crowd of virgin minds.
You know how if you'd place a big mother suckin' bowl of leftover mac n cheese in front of a dog he will just eat it till he barfs and then go back and eat that too, like he just doesn't know where to end he'd consume himself if he could.
Well I guess that behavior can more be manifested in a heavy drug user though is still prevalent as it wouldn't exist in a drug user if it wasn't hidden in all of us and we can prove this without leaving our own home!
So it's a week or so after you had gone grocery shopping and the quantity of household items is now uneven as you have been picking at one or 2 in particular since you acquired it.
Maybe you have a ton of strawberry breakfast bars left because, well hey, who wouldn't rather find time for a quick breakfast sandwich on the way to work then feel totally unsatisfied all morning..but then a week goes by and you're running low on toilet paper or the change bowl is all pennies.
Somewhere here we decide we will just rather add 'extra toilet paper' to next weeks list and go without 25 cent gumballs till then because it really is not necessary to shop unevenly. As a conclusion you have sparked a new interest in strawberry breakfast bars at the office because you always have one in your pants pocket now as it is your new thing, among others you have an abundance of at home to supplement for what you don't have regardless if they are related at all.
We discount the idea that we need to wipe our ass because well hey, we have plenty of other shit to fuck with for a week! maybe play start playing gran turismo again, or start chewing on the ends of those new shitty ball points you bought for your drawer.
Let's just leave it to the experts on this one, I'm sure they'll have something on this in the future.. how many articles do they need to write on the subject of human naivety before I loathe my own flesh so much I'll try to choke myself with a hammer.
A creature itself no different in overall context then the others, though it's actions would seem to be in complete mockery of its own ancient functions through the exposure of over regurgitating them to a crowd of virgin minds.
You know how if you'd place a big mother suckin' bowl of leftover mac n cheese in front of a dog he will just eat it till he barfs and then go back and eat that too, like he just doesn't know where to end he'd consume himself if he could.
Well I guess that behavior can more be manifested in a heavy drug user though is still prevalent as it wouldn't exist in a drug user if it wasn't hidden in all of us and we can prove this without leaving our own home!
So it's a week or so after you had gone grocery shopping and the quantity of household items is now uneven as you have been picking at one or 2 in particular since you acquired it.
Maybe you have a ton of strawberry breakfast bars left because, well hey, who wouldn't rather find time for a quick breakfast sandwich on the way to work then feel totally unsatisfied all morning..but then a week goes by and you're running low on toilet paper or the change bowl is all pennies.
Somewhere here we decide we will just rather add 'extra toilet paper' to next weeks list and go without 25 cent gumballs till then because it really is not necessary to shop unevenly. As a conclusion you have sparked a new interest in strawberry breakfast bars at the office because you always have one in your pants pocket now as it is your new thing, among others you have an abundance of at home to supplement for what you don't have regardless if they are related at all.
We discount the idea that we need to wipe our ass because well hey, we have plenty of other shit to fuck with for a week! maybe play start playing gran turismo again, or start chewing on the ends of those new shitty ball points you bought for your drawer.
Let's just leave it to the experts on this one, I'm sure they'll have something on this in the future.. how many articles do they need to write on the subject of human naivety before I loathe my own flesh so much I'll try to choke myself with a hammer.
Monday, July 13, 2009
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